In the wake of CDH: Honest stories from a mother's heart as she struggles, grieves, and finds joy amidst the chaos.
Peace in Chaos
Does my relationship with God surprise you? It’s okay if it does—it surprises me sometimes, too. If you haven’t known me closely over the last year or two, you might not have seen my faith growing. It would be easy to let that scare me into the shadows, fearing that people who knew a different […]
You Weren’t Supposed to Let Go
Matilda has had a tough couple of days, full of outbursts and breakdowns and not being very kind. My husband thinks she is tired but I know that what she needs is a day at home in her pajamas. She is very social but she is also a homebody. After a few days of having […]
The Thought That Takes My Breath Away
Matilda is thriving here at the Ronald McDonald House. She’s constantly making new friends and spends hours on the playground every day. There is a learning lab three days a week that she loves, she just started swim lessons, and she gets to go to the beach whenever mommy can muster up the energy. I […]
When is your Due Date?
Yesterday, as we left the beach, a woman stopped me and said, "Congratulations!" with so much genuine excitement. She asked if this baby was our third and added a hearty, "Good for you!" It’s interesting—once you get to a third pregnancy and you’re already carting around an 18-month-old, people tend to say that less. Instead, […]
“You Need Only To Be Still”
What would it take for you to stand still in the face of a storm? I talked about how this verse from Exodus kept coming up repeatedly in the months leading up to our diagnosis. We have a small group of families from our church that gathers on Sunday evenings to have a meal together and discuss […]
You Are Not Welcome Here
My brain caught up to me around 3am and suddenly I found myself awake and sobbing in bed. I got up hoping I wouldn’t disturb my husband, probably the wrong choice. I fell to my knees on the living room floor and I prayed. The tears would not stop. I prayed for strength, I prayed for peace, and I prayed for clarity on our next steps. I […]
A Mother’s Intuition
It was early on a Friday morning in March. We dropped our kids off with my mom so we could both be there for our anatomy scan. I had a lingering fear that I could not quite explain. I had told a few friends that I was nervous about the anatomy scan, declined my mom’s […]